Starting to feel better and went for a long walk today. Had time to do a little reflection. After being sick last week, I had lost 4 pounds and this would make the old me jump for joy. The new me put on my jeans that I think make my booty look awesome (we all have those right??) But my booty that is normally there was covered with sagging fabric. My jeans were loose. The old me would have LOVED this.
The old me, the girl on the left in the photo, would have been terrified to have the booty the girl in photo on the right has now. New me is proud to have that booty and I have done many squats to get there. I would like to thank Kim Kardashian and my hubby (who reminds me sometimes) for letting me get it into my thick head that curves are beautiful too. Let me introduce you to and let you get to know a little about the old me.
I was completely lost and miserable. I had been in and out of some really toxic relationships with people who did not deserve my love and attention. I felt drained, sad, lonely and decided that my unhappiness was because I was not skinny enough ( skinny equaled hot to this girl) to get and keep the right guy. Yep, these are the thoughts of a woman in her 20s that was immature, confused, had low self-esteem and had no idea what she was really worth. I had grown up overweight, shed the weight but was still not happy. So I obviously needed to be thinner. Then I would be perfect and worthy of all things great, especially that true love and family I desired.
This started my spiral into disordered eating. My life started revolving around days of starving myself (diet of cigarettes, coffee and a cup of soup), followed by days of binging, purging, diet pills, laxatives and depression. Eating and not eating consumed my every thought. I stopped spending time with friends and spent a lot more time alone. My biggest joy was that I was able to fit into a size 0. Guess what??I was more miserable than I was in the size 6 that my old boyfriend convinced me meant I was a “BIG” girl. I was in a hole and fighting desperately to find the way out.
When I tell this story, I am often asked how I got out of it. It was not something that happened over night. I knew I was in trouble and I knew that if I did not get out of it soon, I might never be able to. Plus my family was starting to ask questions and I could not stand lying anymore. They were concerned and they had every right to be. I was falling apart.
So I slowly stopped the days of binging, purging and diet pills. I started going back to the gym, I started spending time with friends again and I stopped convincing myself that my weight was what was keeping me from finding happiness. I needed to constantly remind myself that my worth was not tied to my weight or pant size.
It took me years to get it all together and I was still struggling when I met my husband. We dated long distance and there were times that when I was alone struggled with not eating for stretches of time. Then we got married and I had to make the choice to either let my disordered eating effect our married life or let go of that completely and thankfully I chose the latter. Only I could make the changes necessary to make that happen.
I bet you are wondering…. how did I end up where I am now. How did I decide to not only go from one end of the spectrum to actually wanting to help people lose weight in a healthy way?
After having our daughter I feared that those anxieties and doubts about my body would return and somedays they were there but then I discovered PIYO then 21 Day Fix and the Beachbody coaching community. This was life changing for me, for the first time I was able to focus on getting my body on track in a healthy way. This was new ground for me.
Because of this community and the people in it, I am mentally, stronger and healthier than I have ever been in my life. Physically I have never felt more comfortable in my own skin. I am fully committed to being a role model for my daughter. Someone that she can look up to and someone who can teach her a positive body image.
I am also fully committed to helping my past, present and future clients do the same. Our journey’s may all be different but we can find common ground in the process.
My next online motivation, accountability and workout group starts soon and I would love to have you with me. Let me know if you are ready to chat!